Hey Ari, Sorry I’ve been ignoring you. I have been really selfish lately. I haven’t been thinking of much other than what to do to make my life better. Its certainly been rough. I have been really judgmental of others. That’s something I know you never were. And I’m working on it. Its just so hard when their decisions effect my life, you know? I’ve been so frustrated with mommy lately. And I know she’s going through a lot but its hard to be there for her when I have my own stuff to deal with and the wall is built up so high between us. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to step on toes and I’ve been trying to make it on my own, but I have to love her. Don’t I? And its not just her. I look at the people around me, and I am so quick to judge what they did to get where they are. I don’t know their stories. I don’t know what struggles they’re going to. Their smiles could be as fake as my own. But I’m trying. I’m trying to learn and I’m trying to go. I’m faced with a huge opportunity Ari. I literally can taste it. I’ve never wanted anything more than I want this job. But is that conveyed. Do they know the pain I feel when I think of not heading out this summer. And is leaving selfish of me? Is taking this giant leap into my career the best for everyone? Or is it time to just think of me? That poor puppy would be all alone this summer. Its my job to take care of him, is it not? I don’t know what to do. All I know is that this job could be the start of it all, Ari. And I’m so ready. I just want to jump without the fear of falling.

Hey Ari. Sorry I haven’t been writing you much. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Everything has been pretty mundane. I went to a show, got some great shots. But I didn’t get that feeling I usually get. I want that rush back. I want the love I feel when I look into that lens. I guess with not succeeding the way I hoped, its putting a damper on it. Work has been work, still seriously thinking about just quitting. I honestly want to quit school but can you imagine what the family would say?! For now I’m stuck doing everything I don’t want to but I’m hoping it’ll pay off in the end Ari. I emailed every publication I could find, ask g-d to let one of them like me, please Ari. I don’t know if I can handle the rejection again. Alex and I danced on Thursday. Yeah, I kind of dragged him to it, but he said no to the other girls. That has to mean something, right? I hope it doesn’t come between us though. I like him but I just want him in my life so I don’t care whichever way. I was straight up with Patrick too. I’ve never felt so strong before Ari. Maybe I can make things happen the way I want. We’ll just have to fight and see. I really miss mommy Ari. I am okay on my own but the way its looking, we have three more months without her. I’m going crazy Ari. Bring me back down?

—Arielle

I’m 20 today Ari. I’ve made it. And I still can’t believe you’re not here. It has been quite an insane journey to this day. I don’t even remember most of it. There have been a lot of tears, heartache, pain, struggle but even more smiles, hugs and happiness. I, just like everyone else, have faced troubles in life but have powered through. Even in my darkest times, somehow I have made it to this day. This past week has been one of forgiveness, learning, happiness and love. I absolutely love how my life has been turning around and hope it keeps going in this direction. I stopped focusing on losing weight in order to enjoy my week but realize that it didn’t make me any happier. I’m starting to focus on it again and hope to turn my progress around. I started talking to him again Ari. And Jake told me that our conversation meant he might actually like me. I just wish he would care at all times and not just midnight when I text him. But he’s so cute Ari. I wish you could be here to tell me what to do. I’m sorry I didn’t write much but so much happened I barely had a moment to spare. I have been doing well though Ari. So much better since I’ve found you.

— Arielle Johnson

We are going to be in a movie! I knew I had to do this. I am following in your father’s footsteps. Although we did a lot of impatient and boring waiting today, it paid off. We were right next to Selena while she was filming! It was almost surreal to see someone that was on my TV in person, but you’re already used to that feeling! If we would have given up when I wanted to, today would not have been worth it. We stuck it out and had some fun. Unfortunately I did not take care of myself today. I am writing this letter with an awful headache. Staring at the screen is hurting my eyes. I wish I was on my way to see mommy but I wouldn’t have been safe driving. I hope this is someone’s way of saving me from whatever could have happened. I will head out in the morning and spend a great day with mom. I wish you and your mom could be here, Ari.

I think I’m going to show my mom the letter that I wrote to you. I don’t know if she’ll be ready to read everything that I shared. I’m sure as a mom she knows more than I think though. I guess tomorrow will hold my decision. Wish me luck Ari.

—Arielle Johnson

We did it! We stayed positive and did what we had to do. We got some amazing pictures tonight even though the lighting wasn’t what we had hoped for. We learned how to use a new part of the camera, Ari. You really do learn new things every day! And although there was ignorance all around us we faced them with a smile. Next time, we’ll try and be more friendly though. If I don’t make any effort, I will never succeed as much as I hope to. But Tay loved the cards!! And her mom was so nice. She loved us. Hopefully she’ll tell the band how sweet we were. I’m so thankful you have entered my life Ari. Tonight would have been awful without you.

—Arielle

I wrote you a letter today Ari. And it explains all that I am about to tell you again.

I read your story today. And after reading your story, I know I will never be the same. You have now not only influenced my name but you have influenced my heart. I cried for you today, Ari. But they weren’t tears of sadness. They were tears of understanding. I finally realize why I am who I am. Why my mother knew that I would be named after you even before I was a thought in her mind.

I am named after you because of the strength with which you faced live and death. The happiness that you found in the simplicity of nature. The everlasting love that you showed everyone who was willing to open their heart to you. The nobility with which you took everything life handed to you. And mostly, the smile that you brought to everyone who knew you.

I made a promise to you in the letter that I wrote you. I promised to always keep you with me. From now on, my struggles are our struggles. My smiles will be twice as bright because you will be smiling with me. My success will be shared with you, Ari. I now not only live for myself. But I live for us. I live because I know what each day meant to you. I know that if you could have one more day, you wouldn’t waste it.

I will be writing you Ari. I will write to you often. I will tell you about our successes. Our failures. Our heartbreak. And our happiness. I know you will be living them with me, but I want to have the stories to bring with me when we meet Ari. I want these stories to be the ones I tell you when it is my time to meet you.

I love you Ari. I’ll be seeing you.

—Arielle